Conflict in relationships is unavoidable. Family, romantic partners, friends, colleagues — every bond experiences clashes of opinion and emotional friction. The real question is not whether conflict will arise, but how you handle it. Saju offers surprisingly practical insights here. By understanding each person's Ten Gods (Sipsin) energy structure, you can systematically identify why you repeatedly collide with certain types of people and discover exactly how to communicate for resolution.
Let us begin with resolving conflict with people strong in Bigyeop (Companion/Rival) energy. Bigyeop represents the ego — self-identity and willpower. People charged with this energy have high pride, clear convictions, and rarely back down. Telling them 'you are wrong' head-on only raises their walls higher. The effective approach is to acknowledge their position while framing a shared goal: 'Your point has merit, and we both want to achieve this objective, so let us figure out how.' This framing opens the door because Bigyeop energy responds to equality and partnership, not subordination.
Conflict with Siksang (Output) dominant individuals takes a different shape. Output energy drives expression and creativity — these people wear their emotions on their sleeve and sometimes cut deep with sharp words. Especially those strong in Sanggwan (Hurting Officer) tend to challenge authority, making hierarchical relationships a frequent battleground. To resolve conflict with them, you must first let them express themselves fully. Interrupting or telling them to contain their feelings intensifies the friction. The sequence matters: 'I have heard your perspective completely. Now, would you hear mine?' This shows respect for their expression before asking for reciprocal listening.
Conflict with Jaeseong (Wealth) dominant people typically stems from clashing interests and practical concerns. Wealth energy is grounded in tangible value and ownership. These individuals respond to concrete data and demonstrable benefit, not emotional appeals. Saying 'Do you know how much this hurts me?' is unlikely to generate empathy. Instead, propose a win-win framework: 'If we resolve this in the following way, here is what each of us gains.' With Wealth-strong individuals, communicate in the language of value, not the language of feelings.
Resolving conflict with Gwanseong (Officer) dominant individuals requires special care. Officer energy governs discipline, responsibility, and social reputation. People saturated with this energy dread public loss of face above all else. Pointing out their mistake in front of colleagues during a meeting — even if you are objectively correct — can inflict irreparable damage to the relationship. Conflicts with Officer-strong people must be addressed privately, with their dignity preserved throughout. An effective opener: 'I know how hard you work for the team. On this particular point, could we try a different approach?' This validates their commitment before introducing the disagreement.
Conflict with Inseong (Resource/Seal) dominant individuals is the quietest but can leave the deepest scars. Resource energy governs the inner world, contemplation, and learning. When conflict arises, these individuals tend to withdraw inward, reducing their words and retreating behind a facade of calm. They may appear unbothered, but internally they are processing deep hurt. The key is to give them time and space without abandoning them entirely. The most effective message: 'Take whatever time you need. When you are ready, I am here to talk.' This respects their processing style while keeping the door open.
When analyzing the structural causes of conflict through saju, examining the relationship between two people's Day Stems reveals the essence of the friction. If the Day Stems are in a controlling (geuk) relationship — for example, Wood controlling Earth, or Fire controlling Metal — the fundamental directionality of their energy differs, creating recurring tension. Yet this same controlling relationship can serve as a catalyst for growth. Just as a tree grows stronger by pushing through resistant soil, energetic collision can temper and strengthen both individuals when managed consciously.
The most common mistake in conflict resolution is communicating exclusively in the style that suits your own Ten God energy. An Output-dominant person who tries to resolve every conflict through 'honest conversation,' or an Officer-dominant person who applies 'rules and principles' to every situation, will inevitably clash with counterparts whose energy operates differently. The true key to resolution is not insisting on your own communication style but developing the flexibility to adjust your approach to match the other person's energy structure.
Consider a concrete workplace scenario: a team member strong in Sanggwan (Hurting Officer) clashing with a team leader strong in Pyeongwan (Seven Killings). This is one of the most common organizational conflicts. The Hurting Officer challenges existing authority and pushes novel approaches; the Seven Killings defends organizational order and hierarchy. These two energies are inherently tense. The resolution key lies in Wealth (Jaeseong) energy, which bridges them. In saju theory, Output generates Wealth, and Wealth generates Officer — so centering the conversation around tangible results (Wealth) naturally connects the two opposing energies.
Family conflicts are more layered still. Parent-child tension becomes illuminating through a saju lens. A parent strong in Resource (Inseong) energy emphasizes study and learning, while a child strong in Output (Siksang) energy craves free expression and play. Without understanding this energy difference, the same argument repeats endlessly. But recognizing that Resource's love of learning and Output's creative expression share a common root — intellectual curiosity — opens a path to compromise that satisfies both sides.
Romantic relationship conflict patterns are also readable through saju. Two Companion-strong partners create frequent power struggles. A Wealth-dominant person paired with a Companion-dominant person tends to argue about money and resources. An Officer-strong partner coupled with an Output-strong partner produces a classic freedom-versus-discipline standoff. Each combination has distinct friction points, which means each requires a tailored resolution strategy rather than a one-size-fits-all approach.
Ultimately, the core insight saju brings to conflict resolution is the recognition that the other person operates from a fundamentally different energy structure than your own. Most conflicts originate from the unconscious expectation that others see the world the same way you do. The Ten Gods analysis makes it unambiguously clear that each person perceives and reacts to reality in a fundamentally distinct manner. The deeper this understanding becomes, the fewer conflicts escalate and the richer relationships grow.
Analyze your chart and your counterpart's chart on DESTIGER, and compare your Ten God structures. Understanding the root cause of recurring conflict and finding a communication approach tailored to the other person's energy is the true first step toward relationship repair. Saju is not a tool for judging others — it is a compass for understanding them.